THE GRATITUDE EXPERIENCE

Written by: Emília M. Ludovino, Emotional Intelligence Trainer

Do you know what is gratitude?

Do you want to know why Emotional Intelligent people are more Grateful?

Take the 3Weeks Gratitude Experience and increase your Emotional Intelligence, now.

WHAT IS GRATITUDE & WHY CARE ABOUT IT?

Gratitude is not a new concept. It has been around for thousands of years. However, it is only recently that scientific studies have been devoted to it and the benefits to be gained from developing it have been scientifically identified. As a consequence, I include it in my emotional intelligence courses, master-classes and in my own daily practice. 

A Gratitude Journal is also a tool used to develop - Emotional Self-Management. Why? Well, for one reason: after only 3 weeks of keeping a gratitude journal, people develop more energy and sleep better. What more do we need? Gratitude is also the key emotion to a more peaceful world. Once you understand what gratitude really is you can begin to gain the benefits from it in your life. Now, that's being emotionally intelligent.

We all have the ability and opportunity to cultivate gratitude. Simply take a few moments to focus on all that you have – rather than complain about all the things you think you deserve.  Developing an “attitude of gratitude” is one of the simplest ways to improve your satisfaction with life.

WHAT IS GRATITUDE?

Gratitude, it’s a feeling of thankful appreciation and an acknowledgment of what you do have, of what goes right, and for the goodness and kindness in your life, and work.. Gratitude, is noticing, acknowledging and being thankful for the things that have gone right in our life, each day.

GRATITUDE:(1)It’s a feeling and an emotion;(2)an appreciation of what you do have; (3)an acknowledgment of what's gone right;(4)an appreciation for the things that others do for us; (5)an appreciation that our lives are better than others.

1 - GRATITUDE IS A FEELING: When I was a child my parents instilled in me the need to write thank you letters for any presents I received. It was a good practice, and one I dutifully followed. I still write thank you letters to this day. However there is a difference, now I have the feeling of gratitude to go with the thank you. There is more to gratitude than just the words "Thank you", there is also a sense of appreciation, a feeling of gratefulness. Gratitude is a positive emotion and not just a thought or an acknowledgment. It is meant and it is felt. Feeling gratitude is an important emotion, and being able to feel and express gratitude is part of having emotional intelligence.

2 - GRATITUDE IS AN APPRECIATION OF WHAT WE DO HAVE: It is very easy in our lives to notice what we don't have and what is missing. This can spiral us down, into negative and unpleasant emotions, very quickly and easily. Gratitude, in comparison, involves our focusing on what we do have and being thankful for it. We appreciate things that belong to us, the parts of our body that work, the food in our fridge, the money we receive, our car and the garage to keep it in, the clothes in our wardrobe, the partner whom we love, the father who lives nearby, the ring we inherited, the ergonomic chair we sit on, the office desk we work at, the Internet connection we have, and so on. We appreciate and give thanks for the things we do have - that is what gratitude is, and it can help us develop our emotional intelligence by increasing our positive emotions, and thus, our emotional self-management.

Have you ever complained to a friend or colleague about the bad things in your life, about the things that have gone wrong, or the things people have said to you that have hurt? This can take people to a negative gloomy space in their lives. People can spend hours in staff rooms bitching and gossiping about everything that has gone wrong and it spreads negativity. This is not emotionally intelligent as it can be very destructive. There can be much that may go right in a single day. For example:

• Our child gives us a loving hug and we are thankful.
• Someone lets us change lanes when we are driving in heavy traffic and we feel grateful.
• It rains and our dams fill with water and we are grateful.
• An email notifies us of an important presentation by a visiting colleague and we are grateful.
•  The motion we proposed at a meeting is passed and we are grateful.
• We get feedback from a job interview that will help us at future job interviews and we appreciate the honesty shown.
• The chairman stopped someone from dominating a meeting and we appreciate how well the meeting has been run.
• A colleague undammed the photocopying machine, and we are thankful.
• The committee finished early, and we appreciate the extra time.
• The Board accepted our proposal and we are grateful that this has gone right.

Gratitude means we notice and express appreciation for what goes right in our life. It is so easy to gloss over these things and take them for granted. Imagine a staff room that ran on gratitude. How much gratitude and emotional intelligence is displayed in your staff room?

3 - GRATITUDE IS AN ACKNOWLEDGMENT OF WHAT'S GONE RIGHT: None of us live independent lives. You may think you can be autonomous and live without the support of others, but in fact it is not possible and none of us do. However, some of us take for granted what others do for us, and we come to expect to be serviced and provided for. Gratitude is not like this. Instead, gratitude means that we notice and are grateful for the things that people do for us; not just the acts of personal kindness that people deliberately do for us, but the day-to-day things that happen with our barely noticing.

• It may be that the garbage has been collected by the garbage collectors. How wonderful. Imagine how difficult your life would be if this didn't happen? Gratitude is acknowledging the value of such a service.
• You turn on a tap and water comes running into your kitchen sink. You give thanks. This is only made possible by a group of people who build dams, lay water pipes and monitor the flow and provision of water. Without them you would not get water. Giving thanks and feeling appreciative of this kind of service is part of developing gratitude.
• Each week, fortnight or month, your salary appears in your bank account. You give thanks. How wonderful to have an employer who pays you and to have the people in your accounts department ensure it arrives as promised and on time. Thank you for the work you do.
• I regularly give thanks for my flushing toilet. I have been living in African countries without facilities and know what it is like not to have such a convenience. Thank you!

There are so many things that happen at work that we often fail to pay attention to, so many who help keep our organisation or business alive. Appreciating the things that others do can all help you build more positive emotions in your life, and thus develop increased emotional resilience and higher levels of emotional intelligence.

4 - GRATITUDE IS AN APPRECIATION THAT OUR LIVES ARE BETTER THAN OTHERS: How easy it is to feel sorry for ourselves, to feel that our lives are not good enough and that we are really hard done by. Stop for a moment, this is not gratitude, this is misery. Gratitude, by contrast, is noticing how much worse off others are and, appreciating and being thankful for our own lives, in comparison. For example, you might go to the doctor because you have a pain and feel unwell, and may think there is nothing to be grateful for. You may then have to go and have a series of tests to find out what is wrong. You may dread them and feel anxious. Stop for a minute!!! If you compared yourself to the women and children in Somalia who are living in makeshift camps, who have no food, water, doctors or medical supplies, you could find much to be grateful for and appreciate. What would a mother in Somalia give to actually have a doctor to go to? To have access to medical tests to find out what is wrong? And to have treatment available to herself and her family? When you stop and compare your life with those of others who are less well off than you are, and you express appreciation, then you have gratitude.

HOW TO USE A GRATITUDE JOURNAL

Positive emotions play an important role in developing emotional resilience and being able to bounce back from stress. Being able to develop positive emotions and emotional resilience is also part of the emotional self-management. The ratio of positive to negative emotions you have is very important for emotional resilience. Barbara Fredrickson, a key researcher in the area, has found that a ratio of 3 pleasant emotions to every 1 unpleasant one is the tipping point for flourishing. So, how do you cultivate positive emotions? One way that has helped me, enormously, has been keeping a gratitude journal. It is also a key way of developing emotional intelligence.

Steps you can take to keep a gratitude journal and how to use a gratitude journal to cultivate more positive emotions in your life and work.

1 - Get A Special Journal You'll Enjoy Writing In: Have a notebook that you will specifically use, only, for the purpose of writing a gratitude journal. As you are using it to build self-confidence, choose a really nice one, that you enjoy writing in, touching and helps you to get inspired so you don’t hold yourself.

2 - Write Down 10 Things You're Grateful For: Each day, write down ten things that you are grateful for that day. I know, I know … it seems a mission impossible, but you can do it! I give you a little help, for example, you might be grateful for:

1)     The things that you have.

2)     The things that have gone right that day.

3)     The aspects of your body that are working well.

4)     The kindnesses that people have given to you or done for you.

5)     The specific people in your life, whether your friends, colleagues, family, clients, or others.

6)     The beauty in your home, garden or in the natural surroundings nearby.

7)     The tasks that you have completed.

8)     The income you have earned.

9)     The colleagues you have helped.

10)  The customers you have served.

11)  The good decisions you have made.

12)  The food you've eaten, the water you've drunk, and everything else that has nourished you.

3 - Write Specific Aspects Of Each Item: In your journal, do not just list an item, e.g. "my dog" or "my job". Instead say something specific, that you appreciate about your dog or job, that day. For example, if it was your dog, it might be:

a.      "I am so grateful my dog was waiting for me when I arrived home from work"

b.     "I am so grateful LOVE let me pat him when I came home"

c.      "I am grateful LOVE sat at my feet while I watched the television", or

d.     "I am so grateful my dog chased away the rabbit", and so on.

For example, if it was about your work:

a.      "I am so grateful that Barbara sorted out the conflict in my team for me",

b.     "I'm so grateful the Executive responded positively to my presentation",

c.      "I am really grateful we have found a new HR manager with so much experience", or

d.     "I'm really grateful we met the deadline", and so on.

4 - Write Full Sentences Of Gratitude: Write a sentence in full, for each item, rather than listing single words or phrases. Write out whole sentences starting with phrases such as:

a.      "I am grateful for ..."

b.      "I am thankful for ..."

c.      "I give thanks for ..."

d.      "I appreciate the way that ..."

This means you will write ten full sentences each time. This makes practicing gratitude more easily developed as a habit, and developing emotional intelligence requires you to develop good habits.

5 - VARY WHAT YOU ARE THANKFUL FOR: Vary what you express thanks for, each day. If, each day, you write the same thing the impact of the gratitude will diminish. By writing about different items it will also mean that you will search for new things to be grateful for, and thus, expand your ability to appreciate the different aspects of your life. Then you are increasing your chance of flourishing and having a 3:1 ratio of positive to negative emotions. Now that's emotionally intelligent!

6 - RE-READ YOUR JOURNAL: Regularly, read back through your gratitude journal. If you practise writing ten things a day that you are grateful for, you'll have a lot of items to read back through. At first you might re-read them each week, then maybe each month. Just think how much appreciation you'll have. Your life will feel good, your positive emotions will develop and your positivity ratio will take you to flourishing and resilience. All of this will help your emotional intelligence develop to a higher level.

HOW GRATEFUL ARE YOU?

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it,

 is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”

William Arthur Ward

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