LOVING-KINDNESS MEDITATION

The original name of this practice is metta bhavana, which comes from the Pali language. Metta means ‘love’ (in a non-romantic sense), friendliness, or kindness: hence ‘loving-kindness’ for short. It is an emotion, something you feel in your heart. Bhavana means development or cultivation. The commonest form of the practice is in five stages, each of which should last about five minutes for a beginner.

It is a fact of life that many people are troubled by difficult emotional states in the pressured societies we live in, but do little in terms of developing skills to deal with them. Yet, even when the mind goes sour it is within most people's capacity to arouse positive feelings to sweeten it. 

Loving-kindness is a meditation practice taught by the Buddha to develop the mental habit of selfless or altruistic love. In the Dhammapada can be found the saying: "Hatred cannot coexist with loving-kindness, and dissipates if supplanted with thoughts based on loving-kindness."

Loving-kindness is a meditation practice, which brings about positive attitudinal changes as it systematically develops the quality of 'loving-acceptance'. It acts, as it were, as a form of self-psychotherapy, a way of healing the troubled mind to free it from its pain and confusion. 

Of all Buddhist meditations, loving-kindness has the immediate benefit of sweetening and changing old habituated negative patterns of mind. To put it into its context, Loving-kindness is the first of a series of meditations that produce four qualities of love: Friendliness, Compassion, Appreciative Joy and Equanimity. 

The quality of 'friendliness' is expressed as warmth that reaches out and embraces others. When loving-kindness practice matures it naturally overflows into compassion, as one empathises with other people's difficulties; on the other hand one needs to be wary of pity, as its near enemy, as it merely mimics the quality of concern without empathy. The positive expression of empathy is an appreciation of other people's good qualities or good fortune, or appreciative joy, rather than feelings of jealousy towards them. This series of meditations comes to maturity as 'on-looking equanimity'. This 'engaged equanimity' must be cultivated within the context of this series of meditations, or there is a risk of it manifesting as its near enemy, indifference or aloofness. So, ultimately you remain kindly disposed and caring toward everybody with an equal spread of loving feelings and acceptance in all situations and relationships.

How to do it . . .

To practice loving-kindness meditation, sit in a comfortable and relaxed manner. Take two or three deep breaths with slow, long and complete exhalations. Let go of any concerns or preoccupations. For a few minutes, feel or imagine the breath moving through the center of your chest - in the area of your heart. (If resistance is experienced then it indicates that feelings of unworthiness are present. No matter, this means there is work to be done, as the practice itself is designed to overcome any feelings of self-doubt or negativity. Then you are ready to systematically develop loving-kindness towards others.) 

Metta is first practiced toward oneself, since we often have difficulty loving others without first loving ourselves. Sitting quietly, mentally repeat, slowly and steadily, the following or similar phrases: May I be happy. May I be well. May I be safe. May I be peaceful and at ease. While you say these phrases, allow yourself to sink into the intentions they express. 

Loving-kindness meditation consists primarily of connecting to the intention of wishing ourselves or others happiness. However, if feelings of warmth, friendliness, or love arise in the body or mind, connect to them, allowing them to grow as you repeat the phrases. As an aid to the meditation, you might hold an image of yourself in your mind's eye. This helps reinforce the intentions expressed in the phrases. 

After a period of directing loving-kindness toward yourself, bring to mind a friend or someone in your life who has deeply cared for you. Then slowly repeat phrases of loving-kindness toward them: May you be happy. May you be well. May you be safe. May you be peaceful and at ease. As you say these phrases, again sink into their intention or heartfelt meaning. And, if any feelings of loving-kindness arise, connect the feelings with the phrases so that the feelings may become stronger as you repeat the words. As you continue the meditation, you can bring to mind other friends, neighbors, acquaintances, strangers, animals, and finally people with whom you have difficulty.

You can either use the same phrases, repeating them again and again, or make up phrases that better represent the loving-kindness you feel toward these beings. 

Sometimes during loving-kindness meditation, seemingly opposite feelings such as anger, grief, or sadness may arise. Take these to be signs that your heart is softening, revealing what is held there. You can either shift to mindfulness practice or you can—with whatever patience, acceptance, and kindness you can muster for such feelings—direct loving-kindness toward them. Above all, remember that there is no need to judge yourself for having these feelings.

The visualisations, reflections and the repetition of loving-kindness are devices to help you arouse positive feelings of loving-kindness. You can use all of them or one that works best for you. When the positive feeling arise, switch from the devices to the feeling, as it is the feeling that is the primary focus. 

Keep the mind fixed on the feeling, if it strays bring it back to the device, or if the feelings weaken or are lost then return to the device, i.e. use the visualisation to bring back or strengthen the feeling.

Loving-kindness is a heart meditation and should not to be seen as just a formal sitting practice removed from everyday life. So take your good vibes outside into the streets, at home, at work and into your relationships. Applying the practice to daily life is a matter of directing a friendly attitude and having openness toward everybody you relate to, without discrimination.

There are as many different ways of doing it as there are levels of intensity in the practice. This introduction is intended to help you familiarize yourself with the basic technique, so that you can become established in the practice before going on, if you wish, to the deeper, systematic practice - to the level of meditative absorption.

HOW TO STOP FEELING OVERWHELMED BY WORK

"Stress" is an emotion. "Feeling pressured", "feeling overwhelmed", and "feeling tense" are all emotions too.

Handling a high workload can be a very emotionally charged experience requiring high levels of emotional intelligence and emotional resilience.

Low levels of emotional intelligence can contribute to making workplaces more stressful than they need to be.In contrast, having high emotional intelligence skills can help individuals and groups cope with the pressure and stress of a busy, tense and demanding workplace, the pressure of multiple responsibilities, and the conflicting demands of high workloads.

This article will examine how we can be very busy and handle all our many responsibilities without feeling overwhelmed, and while staying content, productive and emotionally healthy.

HERE ARE SOME EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE TIPS ON HOW TO STOP FEELING OVERWHELMED BY A HIGH WORKLOAD.

1 -  SORT THE DEMANDS INTO AREAS: Stress and feeling overwhelmed can occur when we feel stretched across too many different activities, responsibilities and tasks. By separating the demands into different areas it may reduce the feelings of overwhelm. For example, much of my life has been very full. What I have found really useful in managing this is to allocate the load into different areas that I can manage separately. I find this stops me from getting overwhelmed by how much there is to do, as I can move from one section to another instead of seeing it all in one overwhelming mass.

For example, here are the four sections I moved between at one stage of my life:

• Running a full time business.
• Being a voluntary CEO of a large not-for-profit organisation.
• My family responsibilities.
• Teaching.

When I saw my workload whittled down into these four areas of responsibilities, they didn't overwhelm me. It also kept me focussed and on track. In contrast, if I don't have these groups, I end up looking at one big, incredibly long to-do list and freak out. I still separate my areas. I presently have my four main work areas, and a fifth minor one, written out and stuck on my computer to remind me.

What are the different areas of your life - can you split them up to make it seem more manageable? It is an essential emotional intelligence skill. Separating out demands helps many people to manage their emotions.

2 - DO THE PRIORITIES IN EACH AREA: Once you have your separate areas of work or responsibilities identified, your next step is to be able to identify your priority task in each one and do only the priorities.

Each day I identify the number one priority in each area and do that. I try to do the priorities first before any unimportant nice-to-do things. Although these nice-to-do things can be pleasant they don't help manage my workload. Doing the priorities stops the stress from building up.

I remember the days I used to do the nice, small things first and then feel enormous pressure as I still had the priorities to tend to. Hopefully those days are over and I now have higher levels of emotional intelligence.

Do you attend to your priorities? Are you doing your priorities? Do you even stop to ask yourself what they are? Knowing your priorities is being emotionally intelligent.

3 - CHANGE PRIORITIES AT ANY MOMENT: Be prepared to change priorities at any moment. Be flexible, your priorities are not set in concrete. It is impossible to always know in advance what the priorities are. I therefore decide what they are each day, (or even each hour).

• First I decide which of the four sections is the key priority for that day.
• Then I decide what the priority is in that section.
• Then I do it.

Once done I check out and move on to one of the other three sections. This can be fun - a bit like playing hop-scotch! However, the priorities can change at any moment. For example, you may find one of your children suddenly gets admitted to hospital and all priorities are altered. Or, an urgent request comes from your boss and you switch to that. Or, you find the media ran a negative story on your business that morning. This is how life is.

• Be prepared to change priorities at any moment.
• A willingness to re-evaluate very often is vital.
• Rigidity only builds stress.

How flexible are you? Are you clinging to your plan? Be prepared to change priorities at any moment. This is emotional intelligence in action.

4 - BE ACTIVE IN STAYING HEALTHY: Being healthy is so important in managing a busy life and responsibilities. It is so much harder if you have a headache or flu or backache to avoid becoming stressed. So take care of yourself: your children deserve it, your colleagues need it and you will be happier because of it.

Do what you need to cultivate your health. The busier you are the more important it is that you eat healthy food - no junk - all good food.

The busier you are the more determined you must be to fit in exercise too.

Also the harder you work the more you must clear your mind of the junk and stress.

For example, I make sure that I nearly always put time aside for meditation each day. When I meditate my stress levels diminish and my energy levels rise. I work more productively when I meditate and do it with a greater sense of calm and enjoyment. I have more quality in my life when I meditate. If I don't meditate the stress builds. It is hardly a waste of time then, is it?

Are you determined enough to invest in your own health? Desiring work-life balance requires you to take care of your body, mind and spirit. Are you taking enough care of your health? Emotional intelligence can be applied to all areas of your life. Just because you feel tired and can't be bothered to exercise doesn't mean you don't do it.

5 -  INCLINE TOWARDS POSITIVITY: Incline your mind towards gratitude and positivity. Negative emotions, such as resentment, frustration and anger only add to stress - they do not help reduce it.

Ditch negativity, complaining and anger; they simply increase the stress load. Instead, on a daily basis and in all that you do, train yourself to incline towards positivity and gratitude.

For example, one night I was having to work for the government - not through choice but because the government requires all businesses, big or small, to do lots of administration for tax purposes. It was getting late and I was still slogging through it. Given it was the last day of the tax year it had to be the priority that day.

I heard myself starting to mutter about stupid red tape and complaining about tax policies and how unfair they were on small business. Then I stopped.

Why was I doing that? My complaining was going to make no difference to whether I had to do it or not. The government wasn't going to alter the taxation rules or regulations just because I complained about them. So why get negative? All it was doing was making myself agitated and more stressed. My complaining was hurting me and my Assistant as he was nearby. Do not feed your feelings of being overwhelmed by more negative feelings. It is hardly emotionally intelligent, is it?

I laughed and appreciated that at least my business was still going strong, and I was sitting in front of a lovely log fire on a very cold night.

Even doing the tax can be a lovely thing if you let it and incline towards gratitude.

Do not feed your feelings of being overwhelmed by more negative feelings. It is typical of low emotional intelligence.

Do you incline your mind towards gratitude? It could make it much easier to manage your responsibilities, and it's a beneficial way to develop your emotional intelligence.

Thank you for taking your time to read my work. 

Trust that add value to you.

About the Author:

Emília M. Ludovino, is an international Social & Emotional Intelligence Trainer, Performance Coach, NLP Master Practitioner, Reiki Master/Teacher, founder of the Ki Flow - Emotional Intelligence Training and The Emotional Intelligence Project, social entrepreneur and a life-time practitioner of Mindfulness & Meditation. She holds a LLM Master in International Law from Lisbon’s Law School and a degree in Psychology from School of Applied Psychology, from Lisbon.

BE HAPPY ... you are a special human being

Written by: Emília M. Ludovino, Emotional Intelligence Trainer

Category: Emotional Intelligence, Happiness

Please do a favour to yourself, do a favour to the others, let your Light shine and live your life's purpose - Be Happy and Grateful for being a miracle of nature. 

Being happy is not - having a cloudless storm, roads without accidents, work without fatigue, relationships without disappointments .

Being happy is - finding strength in forgiveness and hope in battle, safety on the stage of fear, love in mismatches .

Being happy is - Not only enhancing the smile but reflect on the sadness. - Not only celebrate success, but learn lessons from their failures. - Not only have joy in applause but finding joy in anonymity .

Being happy is - to recognize that life is worth living life despite all challenges, misunderstandings and periods of crisis .

Being happy is - not an inevitability of fate, but an achievement perhaps a travel within your own being .

Being happy is - to stop being a victim of the problems and become an author of history itself. It is cross deserts outside itself, but being able to find an oasis in the secret of his soul. You thank God every morning for the miracle of life .

Being happy is not - be afraid of your own feelings. It is having the courage to hear " NO.", sometimes you have to get a safety critical, even unfair. Is kissing the children, parents, and enjoy poetic moments with friends, even if they hurt us.

Being happy is - to allow live free, gay and simple the child that lives within each of us. It's not mature enough to say " I was wrong ". It takes courage to say , "Forgive me".  Is having sensitivity to express " I need you ." Have the ability to say "I love you " .

I wish that life has become a hotbed of opportunities for you to be happy. And when you miss the way, start all over again . And discover that ...

Being happy is not having a perfect life. But using tears to irrigate tolerance . Use losses to refine patience. Use failure to carve serenity. Use pain to polish the pleasure .Use the obstacles to open the windows of intelligence .

Never give up on yourself.

Never give up the people you love .

Never give up to be happy, because life is an unforgettable spectacle, and you are a special human being.

Thank You for taking your time to read my blog. 

Please, if the information was useful for you, leave me your feedback on the comments below, and share it with others, as we never know when we are inspiring someone.

Take Care and Have a Blessed Day!

INFJ – You’re coming with me, I’ve got to save you

The I stands for Introversion, N for iNtuition, F for Feeling and J for Judging. It is one of the rarest of the types.

Emotional intelligence and personality are not the same and I feel wary of writing about them together in case it implies a link between the two that does not exist. However, I have for over 8 years used the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI - 16 personality types inventory) with my clients (and staff, family, friends and myself), and found it invaluable.

It has helped people in their personal and professional development to understand people's differences, build teams, reduce conflict, understand themselves and develop effective communication skills. I am interested in being able to help the 16 different types to develop their EQ at work. There is no one way that EI at work can be developed or applied. Human beings are far more varied and complex for such a possibility to even be considered. Instead, the different types may find some aspects of emotional intelligence easier to develop than others, may use their emotional intelligence in different ways, and may benefit from focusing on different strategies of EQ at work. In fact, I am sure some types will be more interested in emotional intelligence than others! However, while some may not be interested in their own EQ at work, the people with whom they work and interact probably are, as it impacts directly on them.

Here are 5 ways an INFJ can use his or her EI at work and get the best out of being an INFJ:

1 - DO NOT BE FAZED IF OTHERS ARE NOT LIKE YOU

An INFJ can feel like an oddball, misunderstood, on the outer, or isolated. There is a reason for this. INFJs form only about 1% of the population. This means that, as an INFJ, out of every 100 people you meet, 99 of them are not the same type as you. Many INFJs I know feel they don't fit in - this is why. One way of managing your emotions is to know you are rare, and that it is not your imagination, or people treating you badly. Another step towards feeling comfortable being an INFJ amongst non-INFJs is to not expect others to be the same. It is an expectation that will cause you problems.

Just accept that you are rare, special and different. 

Develop instead a complete confidence in the strengths that you have and use these strengths at work. Then your emotions will be far more likely to be positive. Emotional intelligence involves being able to manage your own emotions and to build positive ones that can help you. 

2 -  CHAMPION YOUR CAUSE
INFJs are typically people who feel passionate about helping the community or following a passion or cause. They may be champions of the poor, persecuted or lonely and need meaning and purpose in their working lives. Allow this part of your personality to be nurtured at work, it will help give your life the meaning it needs. It will also help our society. For example, you might opt to belong to the social committee, you may persuade others at work to adopt a charity and raise funds for it, or you may help establish a community care program within your organisation.

If an INFJ works for an uncaring organisation, where people are treated poorly, they may suffer badly from feeling down, stressed or tense. These are unhealthy emotions, especially for INFJs, whose psychological health significantly impacts on their physical health possibly more than other types. Some of the famous INFJs are said to be Ghandi, Mother Teresa and Oprah Winfrey - they all had/have a cause. This could warm the heart of any INFJ. If caring for others helps you to feel good about yourself and feel fulfilled, then it is the emotionally intelligent thing to do.

3 - BREAK FROM THE DETAILS
INFJs may feel tired, weary, overwhelmed, stressed, inadequate and worn-out if they spend too long focusing on details. While details may be a strength of other types, especially many Sensates, they can become stressful for an INFJ.

The longer an INFJ concentrates on them the more likely they are to become overwhelmed by them, especially if there are other stressful aspects of the situation, such as the high pressure of a looming deadline, anxiety about being challenged, the need to comply with detailed legislation, or the like. Thus, it is best not to focus on them for long stretches at a time. Just deal with them in short bursts and then return to the big picture. As an INFJ your inferior function (that part of you that is least well developed, i.e. your shadow side in Jungian psychology,) is extraverted sensing. This means you may not have a good head for details in your external environment especially when you are tired.

Check your details. Do not gloss over them especially when you are tired and driving a car, for instance. Think about the road safety campaigns of recent years - they have placed a lot of emphasis on driver fatigue as a cause of crashes. I imagine an INFJ who is tired finds it even more difficult because they already have extraverted sensing as their inferior.

Details are important. They can keep you safe. When INFJS are tired they may walk into doorways or bruise themselves on office desks, or stub their toes on chairs. Emotional self-awareness is an important part of emotional intelligence. It is important that INFJs are aware of their emotions, so they can take precautionary steps to say safe within their external environment at work when they are tired or stressed.

4 - CHOCOLATE CAKE IS NOT THE ONLY ANSWER
When INFJs feel stressed they may typically over-indulge in sensory pleasures such as overeating, blobbing for hours in front of the television, or shopping until they drop. There are emotionally healthier ways an INFJ can manage these emotions at work instead of making repeated raids on the staff canteen, tea room or lolly jar! Watch out for signs of stress and if they are there, stop the stress rather than stuffing your face with comfort food! A gentle reminder on your screensaver, "Is this mind food or stomach food?" could be helpful. If it is mind food, do not eat; instead, do something more nurturing and less fattening for your type.

You might go for a short walk and watch the clouds, a good way for an INFJ to go to a big picture relaxing scene. You might close your eyes and daydream for two minutes and let your introverted iNtuition take you on a wonderful journey. You might sit and meditate for a short while or do a Tai Chi or Feldenkrais sequence to calm and ease the stress. Emotional intelligence activities are many - there is no one right way to manage your emotions; over eating is only one way; generate other options.

5 - TAKE TIME OUT
INFJs can feel distressed, annoyed or bothered by noisy environments at work in which they are constantly having to interact with people or be interrupted. They are not alone; many Introverts feel like this to various extents. Finding places to obtain peace and quiet at work can help restore a sense of equilibrium or calm. Take time out to be on your own, to reflect and daydream; for example in your lunch or tea break

In addition to this, INFJs have the dominant characteristic of being Introverted iNtuitives. They need therefore to allow their minds to daydream, fantasize and create, to find the significance in things, to be in touch with their deeper selves, to explore their inner world and all the other things their type needs. They may benefit from developing a quiet space at home where they can seek refuge after a busy day at work, and from the children. Self-understanding is very important if you want to develop higher levels of emotional intelligence at work and home. Knowing your type is part of this and can help you develop your EI at work. The different types have different emotional needs and ways of having these satisfied. 

What is your EI at work? Could knowing your personality type help you develop it more?

Thank You for taking your time to read my blog. 

Please, if the information was useful for you, leave me your feedback on the comments below, and share it with others, as we never know when we are inspiring someone.

Take Care and Have a Blessed Day!

How Emotional Intelligence helps build Resilience to Stress

Emotional intelligence is not about being soft and gooey, far from it. The ability to generate positive emotions in your working life is certainly an important part of it but so is emotional resilience and dealing with negative emotions. Emotional resilience is a significant emotional intelligence competency that comes under the banner of: emotional self-management.

Who needs emotional resilience? Emotional resilience is important for everyone in the workplace. The workplace is full of unexpected problems, negative outcomes, unrealistic deadlines, endless changes, a lack of resources, difficult people and volatile discussions. And that's just on a Monday! Your ability to stay healthy and productive through these ever changing scenes is vital. If you can do this you have emotional resilience and emotional intelligence.

What is emotional resilience? Emotional resilience has a number of key attributes.

I think of it as having a tough head and a warm heart at the same time. Out of its many features here are eight pivotal ones.

Emotional resilience is the ability to:

• Stay calm and clear headed when the pressure and stress around you is high. In other words you have the mental toughness to guard against being sucked in.
• Bounce back quickly after upsets, set-backs and bad moods or emotions. You don't get stuck in bitterness, anger or resentment.
• Look after yourself psychologically, spiritually and emotionally even when you are frantic. You don't neglect yourself whilst still being able to care for others. This takes mental discipline and an appreciation of what's important. Too often when people are no longer resilient and they become overwhelmed, tense or stressed, they stop looking after themselves and indulge in self-defeating behaviour.
• Keep a sense of humour. Losing your sense of humour and no longer laughing at issues you'd normally laugh at is one of the early warning signs of too much stress.
• Keep things in perspective, rather than letting emotions such as anger, exasperation or anxiety distort your world view, so you can judge situations fairly.
• Not take on board other people's problems, stupidity or emotions, whilst at the same time being able to be compassionate and care for others. This requires mental toughness and a warm heart.
• Stay physically well and strong with a healthy immune system even in times of emotional or physical difficulty. This may include whilst undergoing work problems, poor performance feedback or even grief.
• Being able to feel and express your emotions in ways that are safe, clear and healthy. Emotional resilience does not mean pushing your emotions down or away, or ignoring them altogether. It means acknowledging and managing them well. Your heart needs to stay open toward you, so you can care for yourself in even the worst case situation.

Emotional resilience is not:

• Blocking out your feelings with drugs.
• Saying to hell with you and to hell with everything.
• Ignoring everyone else and always putting yourself first.
• Being aggressive, verbally violent or looking for a fight.
• Not crying when someone you love dies.
• Pretending that everything is okay when it is not.
• Being too tough to tell someone you are proud of them, love them or appreciate them.

Emotional resilience is not just about being tough, as this is often based on the denial of emotions and physical and emotional needs. Emotional denial or suppression may be needed at specific times in order to survive when you're in the military or the police and witnessing traumatic events, but over time this may lead to health problems or post-traumatic stress. In contrast, emotional resilience is a healthy balance between a tough head and a warm heart, set in a context of emotional self-awareness. Emotional resilience is a healthy way of managing your life and your emotions, and staying well even in difficult circumstances.

How high is your emotional intelligence & emotional resilience?

Thank You for taking your time to read my blog. 

Please, if the information was useful for you, leave me your feedback on the comments below, and share it with others, as we never know when we are inspiring someone.

Take Care and Have a Blessed Day!